She was out back beyond the gate. On the edge of the desert and the mountains that they called Home. It wasn't a very popular idea for one to go outside the safety of their fortress but she had to practice somewhere. God knows that Dox might not always be at the ready on the roof. Or Chewie might be on another mission when Hoop freaked out at the sight of them being in danger. Once again, weather it was true or not, Mesay felt that if push came to shove she might not be able to defend Home and her family from a threat. The shameful display she put on during that one attack had been eating away at her. She was hardly able to lift the two drones let alone throw them properly. If she was going to have this power she needed to make it useful damn it. No more "magic tricks" for Zero. No more spirit hand puppet shows for Chewie. This was serious now.
Luckily the landscape was littered with giant boulders. And being in the middle of nowhere made it easy to mess up without consequence. She had painted a red 'x' on a nearby rock about the size of a car. Mesay took a long minute to focus herself. She closed her eyes and felt the wind go by. Heard it whistle and whirl around her praying for that kind of lightness. She knelt down and touched the ground imagining the sturdiness of the earth as part of her own. She used her memories to conjure up the last time she went swimming and hoped for her ability to flow like the water does. Then she kindled the fire inside. The essence of her spirit to go forward and use what she had to help others.
In her head she saw them. In the blackness, two spirit hands reaching out to her. She opened up her eyes and picked a target. There was a boulder about the size of her a few feet away. She used her hands and felt that spirit running through her. Motioning to grab the rock, it started to shake and stir. More she put her focus into it the more the rock moved. Finally with a grunt she moved her hands up and slowly the rock ascended. She still couldn't believe what she was doing. Something had changed inside her. Something had moved her. Altered her. Before she arrived at Home.
She held up her hands as high as possible and held the rock there for as long as she could. When her arms started to shake she knew it was time to throw. She focused on the target she had picked. Her arms were shaking very hard now. She didn't leave herself enough time to aim properly.
'Damn it.', she thought.
Then with what little strength was left she pulled back her arms and motioned to throw the rock.
It missed the marked boulder by inches.
Mesay fell to one knee gasping for air. Trying to breathe right and stand up at the same time. Those two functions were always so hard after she practiced. She allowed herself a full collapse on the ground out of frustration. Looking up at the nearly cloudless sky she closed her eyes. Then she started punishing herself again.
Damn it, you weakling! How the hell are you going to protect them now huh? You must just not be the protector. Your role is not to help them. What are you going to do now? Just stay down. Or get the fuck out!
"Water?", Beat offered.
Mesay opened an eye and looked up. There was Beat with a water bottle. She went back to looking up at the sky and said, "Sure."
Beat walked next to her and knelled down. "You wanna get up first?"
"Yeah that might be a good idea."
Mesay slowly sat up and took the water bottle from Beat. She opened the top and squeezed a large mouthful of water into her cheeks. Beat started to laugh at the almost chipmunk look Mesay had to her. Even when she was upset she was funny. She offered a quiet smile and a hand up. Mesay gulped the water down and with shaky legs, took Beat's hand and brought herself back up again. They looked at the boulders.
"Practicing?", Beat asked.
"Sorta yeah.", Mesay responded.
"Frustrated?", Beat continued.
"Yup", Mesay answered.
"Wanna talk about it?"
Mesay didn't say a word.
"Your not useless, you know.", Beat started again.
Mesay angrily pulled her face away. A clear sign she was ashamed. She didn't like looking at people when she felt that way. Let alone when they knew she felt that way.
"You've done really well Katie. I'm not sure where some of us would be without you here. You keep us happy in this place. And if you ever ran off, we would come and find you. So don't think about it."
Mesay's eyes became glassy. She felt like such crap and so useless sometimes. But here was her friend. Her family, telling her that she wasn't shit. That she was useful and needed. And that running away wasn't an option. Beat was one of the few people who knew her so well. But she was right. No sense in pitying herself. Time to suck it up and try again. She wasn't going to get anywhere thinking she was crap. Because even if she was, the only thing to do was to move forward. Time to get this under control!
Mesay put out her hands again and started to summon her strength when Beat's hand landed on her shoulder.
"Don't you think that's enough for today? Besides we got to get dinner going and you're up for for sous chef tonight."
Mesay lowered her hands and smiled. "Yeah I suppose so."
They both turned and walked back toward Home. Mesay started cracking jokes again and Beat laughed. Someday, maybe, she would tell her friend about what happened before she ended up in Home.
Maybe, if she had the guts, she would tell them all about Roivas.
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