October 23rd, 2011
It worked! We negotiated and extra hour of control for one of her things. i'm still conserned though. She agreed too quickly. I'm trying my best here but I have to be careful.
I went online to check in. Georger (Gorger) was in there. Talking around me. It looks like everyone wants to make deals. I guess they need more folowers or something.
And now there are four of them. Dean is hosting one called Damocles. He keeps talking about getting rid of the others. He says he can lock them all back up. This whole thing sets off my bullshit meter but the prospect of them fighting each other sounds promising. Peter talked about the Duke planning to betray them. Perhaps they all want to be top dog eventually. Crusher seems to only be conserned with herself and her things. I suppose she dosen't even suspect Duke. Does she even hold any real power? I guess the sin itself is enough.
Six deals left. I better make them count. Congratulations Crusher you get your shoes back.
October 24th, 2011
God, I feel so weird today. Besides the alternate personality that is. I think I actually slept. I haven't slept since this whole thing began. I may no longer be the dominant personality anymore but she made sure to torture me by showing me the crap she was doing. Now, I'm concerned that I don't remember anything from the last time I was in control. No torture, no mind games, just sleep.
I negotiated another hour for her crystal mouse. This doesn't feel like its working. I need to do something drastic. Izzie suggests spamming Crusher's tumblr again.
Sounds good to me.
My fighting has resorted to the most childish antics to get my frustrations out. How fucked up is that? Izzie, Sam and a few others help me by sending posts of cute cat videos. I even have some time left so I grab the condiments in the fridge and give these grey walls some color. I didn't relize what a wonderful medium ketchup and mustard can be. Stepping back I noticed I drew my cats. I miss them so bad. Thank God they aren't here to see this. To see me. Thank God Crusher didn't get them. Depression made me leave the chatroom this afternoon.
October 25th, 2011
She killed them.
She killed my cats. She had them here all along. Hiding them, starving them, torturing them. I didn't even know until Singer showed me Crusher's post. As I read it, the way she described it, I could see it happening. Her memories flooding into mine. Like watching a video. Right in front of my eyes. I didn't kill them, but they think I did. They saw momma cat crushing them one by one.
I tried to run and hide but Crusher wouldn't let me. I have to spend the next two hours in moruning for the one of the last things connecting me to this world. One of the last pieces of hope I had. I could hardly type, let alone write.
I'm going to kill that Bitch. I won't just get my body and mind back, I'll make her pay. For everything she's done to me, my friends, everyone.
I'm going to take this sadness, and convert it to anger. I'll get her back.
I FUCKING SWEAR IT!
October 29th, 2011
That place.
It was so beautifual. It felt so real. I can still feel the wind on my face and smell the fishy lake water in the air. Sand grains beneath my feet and in between my toes. The cabins and the swingset. It looked just like my childhood home from so long ago. Every summer, my most fondest memories.
And then everyone was there. Singer, Mennos, Sam, Peter. Oh when Peter showed up it made everything that much more perfect. We wern't split or broken or in pain. The silence, the peace.
Why did you wake me from that?
Why did I need to come back?
I wanted to stay there forever. But he wouldn't let me. He brought me back.
They say its a false place. A place that I went to hide from what has been happening.
I don't care if that's true. I had everything I wanted there. Why didn't you see that?
They said to never go back.
I'm going back. Someday when I can.
When everyone has given up on me.
I'd rather live there than die alone.
Even if it is a dream.
Fake.
It's mine. All mine and belongs to nobody else.